Happy Rites of Passage Meisters
by Kyuzo Aoi
Summary: Most of the male cast of Gundam 00 besides Setsuna missed one rite to prove their manhood. Rated for political incorrectness and insane humor. NOW COMPLETE! Read the final chapter for the ultimate insanity!
1. Chapter 1

_Happy Rite of Passage Meisters_

_Disclaimer: Gundam is copyrighted by Sunrise. Haibane Renmei is copyrighted by Radix. Fullmetal Alchemist is copyrighted by Aniplex. Everyone else is owned by their rightful copyright owners. I don't earn money for this._

_Disclaimer: This story is potentially politically incorrect and somewhat offensive. So if you don't like the subject matter, don't read any further._

_Story: Most of the male cast of Gundam 00 besides Setsuna missed one rite to prove their manhood._

**

* * *

**"Folks, we have received a message from the Human Reform League Resident-General in the Philippines," Setsuna told his fellow Meisters who were in a stupor in the deck of the Ptolemaios.

Rudely, Lockon woke up. "Why the heck it is the Philippines?!? Why not Moralia or some God-forsaken banana republic?"

"It is not about we are banned from entering this country," Setsuna said verbatim.

"Then why?" Al asked. "I was born there!"

"It is because it declared circumcision compulsory there," Setsuna said without emotion.

"CIRCUMCISION?!?!?!" All the males in the room shouted.

"What's the frigging deal with circumcision?"

"I'm circumcised when I was a boy," Setsuna explained. "It's tradition in the Middle East. But if you want to go to the Philippines, you must be circumcised. The Head of State in the Philippines, Gloriaster Amoyo, had sent Bug drones imported from Cosmo Babylonia to circumcise any uncircumcised male League-wide."

"HRL-wide?" Tieria Erde asked, skeptical.

"Yes."

"Why in the world?" asked Allelujah to the Exia pilot.

"Just for the lulz, said Amoyo."

"Tieria-kun, look at this!" cried Feldt, opening a large TV screen.

It contains graphic images of young boys aged 12 being chased by Bug drones, and being circumcised by force. The Bugs released some robots with some knives and tweezers.

"What is wrong is that this isn't Philippines. This is in China," Sumeragi, that hot chick who is the Meisters' mama-san, explained. "I wonder what's Gloriaster's beef with uncircumcised males, and why she had to harm the Chinese."

"Holy crap, this is serious," Lockon said, pointing on the big screen.

"That's why either we circumcise, or we are circumcised," Setsuna said.

* * *

_Some random hallway at a random hospital in Japan..._

"AAAAAHHHH!!!!!" Saji's friend Banagher Links screamed in pain as he tried to ease his pain from his circumcision.

"My daddy wanted me to circumcise me, but I don't want it, dude!" Saji agreed. "What would Big Sis say to me? I want to wear a skirt...for two WEEKS?"

"Yep, the Philippine government had now requested the HRL council to make circumcision compulsory in the League," Banagher explained. "It's not a big deal for me anyway. My mother is a Pakistani Muslim and wanted me to be circumcised."

"Aha, it isn't a big deal in us Japanese," Saji said, "Unless you want to appear in a porn video."

"Do you want to?" asked Banagher. What he got is a slam in the wall.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK I WANTED TO BE A PORN STAR, HAH?" Saji screamed, pupils got small to a point of a pencil, veins swelling. "IT IS VITAL FOR ME TO BECOME A VIRGIN!"

"Then why do you had that blonde Latina girl?" Banagher retorted, with many of his teeth broken, referring to Louise, Saji's girlfriend.

"WHAT..." Saji ran out of words. Of course, he wanted to break Louise's virginity forever...but...

"I'm a 'supot!'" Saji declared.

"Su pot what?" Banagher asked, obviously confused.

"In the Philippines, most men are circumcised. Anyone who is not circumcised is called 'supot.' The problem is..."

"IT HURTS, DUDE!" Saji continued, then embraced Barnarge like a long-lost friend. His eyes became a waterfall of tears. "Man, I know the pain of people having to endure this!"

Meanwhile a doctor burst in. She's female, with dark brown hair, and has a voice suspiciously similar to Mika Kanai.

"Saji, it's your turn...SAJI!"

There is a hole in the window.

"How he dare " Banagher cut her off.

"Dr. Adil, Saji jumped off the window!"

Tiffa reached for his cellphone. She instructed the police, forcefully and with threat. "Police, there is a guy wearing a white shirt, with a sleeveless turtleneck on the top of it. He has brown hair with a mullet. His name is Saji Crossroad. Find HIM! Or else, I'll the ones to circumcise you! "

However, no body of Saji was found. Saji clearly is a lucky boy...for now.

* * *

_Meanwhile at Ptolemaios..._

"NO! I DON'T WANNA GO! NO!" Screamed Al as he is dragged by Setsuna to the shuttle for Earth. "My thing, it's precious for me!"

"No, you WILL go! Why the hell you didn't been circumcised in your baby days," Setsuna asked, his face pressed to his palm. All the other males in the Ptolemaios except Setsuna were crammed in by the Kurd.

"Cause the doctors didn't!" Al replied. Setsuna collared him and smacked an electric tape so Al could shut up.

"What, what about the ship?" Lichtendahl said.

"Don't worry, I'm the lucky circumcised man, and Sumeragi-chan can operate the ship with half crews," Setsuna said with confidence as he slammed the shuttle shut.

Inside, Lockon, Allelujah, Tieria, Lichtendahl, and Lasse were arguing at why they are being deported while Setsuna did not join them.

"Hell, that Kurdish guy is circumcised and he won't join us? That's cheating!" Al argued.

"Yeah, I won't join a circumcision session with one of the boys missing," Tieria quipped.

"Jeez, when we could be sure that Setsuna— " Lockon's speech was cut off by a jolt.

They were descending to Earth.

"SETSUNA!!!!! WE WILL MAKE A EUNUCH OUT OF YOU WHEN WE COME BACK!!!!" The sorrow of all the passengers in that shuttle echoed across the galaxy.

* * *

In the skies above Azadistan that night, Marina Ismail is currently reading the book about Iran's dictator Mahmoud Amhadinejad when she saw that shooting star.

"I thought there are no comets today," Marina quipped to her trusted mate, ehem, close aide, Shirin.

"Forget it, it's just a fail of a shuttle," Shirin replied dismissively.

"Aha."

* * *

_Meanwhile, near the US-Mexican border..._

"It's the plague of the _cochinos_ again, like in 2009, Se or Corner!" a random Mexican people trafficker said to his country's ambassador to the UN.

"Ah, Sr. Martinez? No! It's a shooting star!" Alejandro dismissed it, while he treks the Sonoran Desert. He lost his passport and money after his shuttle crashed with him and Ribbons the only survivors, and had to enlist help of a coyote. Adding to his headaches that his Ribbons abandoned him for an Aeromexico flight.

"I'm sorry Se or Corner. It's just the memories," the trafficker said. "Many of my ancestors died in that plague of pigs."

"I see." However, Alejandro noticed something in the shooting star. "_Chingao_, what the hell is a comet moving in a straight right angle? Only UFOs do that!"

"IT'S THE PLAGUE! IT'S THE PLAGUE!" The trafficker ran away.

"Why the fuck you left me?!" Alejandro was angry. He had to sleep on that damned desert again!

_Meanwhile, back at the shuttle..._

"Give me that controls!" Tieria is trying to elbow Licthendahl from the controls.

"Hey, we need to survive, not to argue about the pilot!" Lichty replied angrily. He was again hit with a suitcase by Lasse.

"I'm the competent one!" Lasse declared, before he was hit in the head by an obsolete 486 kbps Processor Unit by Lockon.

"I'm the leader of the pack, so I will pilot! And I am voiced by Shinichiro Miki—" before he completes his sentence, Hal took over.

"I AM PILOTING THIS SHUTTLE!" He brushed aside Lockon and took the controls. "I AM KAMILLE!!!!" As he maxed up the shuttle and rammed some random shuttles in the process using Kamille Bidan's crazy Kamikaze maneuver.

Hallelujah's crazy antics caused the plane's interior to be covered in nausea thanks to his insane maneuevers...when he finally crashed in western China, in Xinjiang Autonomous Region to be exact...

Hal rammed his head to the controls. Thankfully it wasn't fatal.

A boy, who didn't looked like a local Uyghur or even Chinese, suddenly opened the hatch.

"People, help me! Police are chasing me!" Saji pleaded to the Meisters.

"Who the hell are you?" Tieria asked the boy.

"I'm being chased by people who want to circumcise me."

"WHAT THE?" alarms suddenly registered to the Meisters' brains.

"Yes. The Bugs. They are coming!" Saji said in fright. He pointed to the giant discs with those chainsaws in their edges. A loudspeaker was attached in one of the Bugs.

"Saji Crossroad, you will turn over yourself or you will be a eunuch!" the voice of Dr. Adill threatened.

"Doctor, I have the right to choose if I am a circumcised man or not," Saji protested, pointing a middle finger to the lead Bug.

"Otherwise, I'll call your sister Kinue at JNN, I am her High School friend, get it?" Tiffa warned.

"FUCK IT!" Saji suddenly hijacked the shuttle.

"Hey, what do you want to do with this shuttle?" Lockon protested. Saji cut him off and revved up the engines anyway.

"We'll just claim asylum to any Third World Country," Saji said.

"Amestris is closed, Sanc Kingdom don't accept people who don't want to be circumcised, same with Orb, but hey, the City-State of Glie is open of asylum seekers," Lichty browsed in his PDA.

"What is Glie, anyway?" Saji asked.

"Glie is a small city-state in France, like Monaco, no, Moralia," remembering the new name after Monaco was nuked by someone who lost a bet in Monte Carlo. "And not a fully integrated member of the AEU like Moralia and Britain; it keeps its own military, which is according to the AEU council in Brussels, bat-shit insane and composed of twenty-odd Hellions. But they are until now closed to visitors. The major industry is farming, but the interesting thing is that they are inhabited by humans and half-angels called Haibane."

"What's a Haibane?" Saji asked again.

"A haibane is a human-like being with a set of damned angel wings." Lockon explained. "I used my casanova skills to track down my sis, and I did. She has blank memories though, but it will be better for her. However, my best time with there is with the town librarian there. I miss these days. But I had to do it with sign language most of the time; it's . She speaks surprisingly good English, though, and with an Irish accent to top it off!"

"I don't want to go to Glie," Saji said.

"No, you will go there. I will recommend a girl there. She's about 17, has light brown hair, and is Japanese," Lockon offered.

"Or what?" Al asked, now awake.

"I'll just leave the dating with some Chinese lad, ehem, gal, to you," Lockon commented.

"That wouldn't hurt," Al commented.

"And you, Tieria Gandanghari, you get the jet-black-haired leader of the pack," Lockon said to Tieria.

"Don't compare me to Rustom Padilla, you asshat!" Tieria complained.

"who is Rustom Padilla?" Saji asked with curiousity.

"He is a person from our country that came out from the closet in the Philippine Big Brother's house because Big Brother wants to grill him," Allelujah explained.

"That hurts," Saji commented.

Meanwhile Lockon reached for his cellphone.

"Hello, Washi?"

"Yes, hey, you are Lockon Stratos, right?" the man from the other side of the line asked.

"Yes, why?"

"The circumcisers are coming!" Washi exclaimed in horror.

"Are you circumcised?"

"Yep. But, yeah, they left. All of our males are circumcised."

"But you have declared it an asylum for the uncircumcised, right?" Lockon protested.

"Yes, Lockon. But man, here's an advice for you. Circumcision isn't a big deal for men. Unlike in women. They had to suffer something terrible in many points of their lives. For us, this is just a one-shot."  
"Yeah, maybe I'll change my mind. But did you heard about Philippine leader Amoyo's plans?" Lockon said.

"Yeah, it is disturbing though. Maybe it will teach us the virtue of being a man," Washi explained.

"Yes. But I have friends who don't want to be circumcised."

"I'll accept them, but for only for a week. Then if they didn't go, we'll make them go. Deportation," Washi warned.

"That would be great! Thanks, Washi!"

"Thanks!" the line went off.

"How did you become friends with that Haibane?" Tieria asked.

"I bribed him five hundred thousand euros, and he offered me that woman I'm talking about. Normally outsiders should not be allowed to enter Glie, like in North Korea. But thanks to me, they had a limited but brisk tourist industry," Lockon said.

"Aah." Tieria agreed."What's the name of that chick of yours, Lockon?"

"She's Nemu, just Nemu." Lockon looked up to the controls, and checked the map. "So we are in Italy now?"

"No. We've just entered the French border," Al said, then looked at the map again. "But this is Moralia, you stupid idiot," he said to Saji.

"What it means?" Saji said rather absent-mindedly.

"This is Ali Al-Sarches of the PMC Trust Security, the number one leader in private military business," a voice interrupted them, and the gang saw three mobile suits. "Give the hell out of your shuttle; you don't have a visa!" The intercom then showed Ali Al-Sarches that looked like Xerxes in 300.

"You've overdone the makeup," Tieria quipped.

"Hey, you ambiguous of a moron, this is policy. Get the hell out of Moralian territory or you are finished!" Ali then ordered his Enacts to chase the shuttle out. With giant scissors, of course.

"IT'S THE DREADED CIRCUMCISERS!" Saji and the others panicked. They tried to max up the speed of the shuttle and move north, but...

"They've cut our wings!" Lichtendahl said with horror as he saw an Enact cutting one of the wings of the shuttle. As a result, the starboard area was nearly touching the ground.

"We still have one wing," Lockon assured his buddies. But...

Another Enact is trying to cut the working wing!

"Give me that Arctic Warfare," Lockon ordered Lasse. Lasse then gave Lockon that sniper rifle, and slammed open the door. A strong breeze then entered the plane's interior panicking the gang like monkeys.

"Fuck it! I don't want anyone making a hamster face on me, OK?" Lockon said to the crowds.

"I have vertigo!" Tieria is wrapped in a blanket, his teeth grinding like the sound of a jackhammer.

"Shut up!" Lockon aimed his Arctic Warfare sniper rifle, and...

KABOOM! The bullet hit the head of the Enact.

"Dude, what happened?" said the pilot of the other Enact.

"Man, I'm losing control!" said the hit pilot.

"I've received an order from main base," Ali said. "return to base. We'll just deal with them later. The client has a better plan."

The two pilots grunted approval and turned back.

"Dude, Mrs. Amoyo is such a demanding client," Ali sighed.

Meanwhile the shuttle crashed twenty kilometers inside the Glie border.

Lockon opened the hatch.

A female angel with long black hair, wearing a denim jacket, M-16 aimed at Lockon's head, and with Malboro stashed to her lips, appeared.

"Who are you?" the woman demanded, with her voice suspiciously looked like the Japanese voice of Tatsuki Arisawa from Bleach.

"I am Lockon Stratos, a friend of Nemu, the town librarian," Lockon said. He pulled out his Republic of Ireland passport and gave it to the angel.

The angel meticulously examined the passport. "You don't have a visa."

"But hey!"

The angel's cellphone rang and she answered it. "Hello, yes, Master Washi?...oh,...yeah...OK, fine." She then closed her phone.

"Welcome to Glie, my friends," said the angel.

"You are the girl who is Lockon's friend, named Nemu?" asked Tieria.

"I'm Reki, Nemu's friend. So you are requesting asylum?"

"Yep, all of us," said Lockon.

"Come in." Reki led the gang, quite dizzy from the crazy ride, to the walls.

"I have a good time with this," Hal inside Al said to himself.

"What's your reason for exile?" Reki asked.

"We're fleeing the circumcisers," Saji said.

"Circumcisers! Come on! My friend Hyouka had to do that, well, everyone in Glie," Reki said, quite disappointed with them. _And I want that purple-haired bishounen!_ she said to herself. "Come on, it ain't a big deal. You will see for yourself," she continued as she opened the gate.

"Actually, I am not supposed to be outside, only my boss is allowed. But then he ordered me to do so for this occasion, as he's a friend of Lockon's. It's the first time for me, anyway," the woman that sounds like she is Tashigi from One Piece then waved her arms to the gates. The people in the square are quite skeptical about visitors.

"Is this guy " a girl pointed her finger to Lasse "the guy playing Pedobear?"

"Quiet," said the man next to her. "No of course."

Every girl is crazed about Lockon. Everyone of them have gone crazy and in fangirl mode. Or rather yaoi fangirl mode.

Until a brown-haired girl suddenly ran straight to Lockon and nearly constricted him in joy.

"Hey...I can't breath, Nemu," Lockon said.

The other girls are quiet and quite horrified. Their fangirl dreams ruined, by the City Librarian at least! But they had no choice. He was Nemu's girlfriend, after all.

Two Asian girls, one in an orange-trimmed white sailor suit, the other a male-looking girl that wore a male Chinese suit, came running towards Reki, carrying scissors with the points aimed at the Meisters.

"Are these guys the people who don't want to be circumcised?" the girl with the sailor suit asked.

"Yes, Rakka," the Tall Darkand Bishoujo said.

"How lame!"

"Hey, we don't want to be circumcised, right? " Saji complained.

"No, because uncircumcised people suck anyway," the Chinese girl said, then charged towards...Tieria...

To be continued...

Notes:

There will be an episode where two disparate anime will be arguing about the wonders of circumcision.

Yes, it will be a crossover between Haibane Renmei and Gundam 00, for the next episode.

And about Junko Noda, she is the voice actress of Reki from Haibane Renmei. She also voiced Tatsuki from Bleach and Tashigi from One Piece.

And about Ali being Xerxes from 300, yep, that's intentional. Sarches sounded like Xerxes.

Rustom Padilla is an actor from the Philippines. He revealed he is gay and is now known as BB Gandanghari.

Shinichiro Miki is the man behind Lockon in the Japanese version of 00.

Tall Darkand Bishoujo is a trope in about girls with long, straight black hair and are tall and quite the center of attention.

Uyghur is an ethnic group in China. They had their own autonomous region which is Xinjiang. Like the Tibetans, they feel they aren't autonomous enough.

Allelujah being from the Philippines is my idea; his exact nationality, though in the Human Reform League, is ambiguous.

Gloriaster Amoyo is a parody of the current Philippine president, Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. No intention of slander. It is just a parody.

More next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Happy Rites of Passage Meisters**

**Disclaimer: Gundam is copyrighted by Sunrise. Haibane Renmei is copyrighted by Radix. Code Geass is also copyrighted by Sunrise. Masked Rider is owned by Toei. Everyone else is owned by their rightful copyright owners. I don't earn money for this.**

**Disclaimer: This story is potentially politically incorrect and somewhat offensive. So if you don't like the subject matter, don't read any further. Due to some even more insane stunts, the rating is upgraded to M as in Mature.**

**Story: Most of the male cast of Gundam 00 besides Setsuna missed one rite to prove their manhood.**

**

* * *

  
**

**Chapter 2**

_Meanwhile, at the Chief Executive's Office in Hong Kong..._

Chief Executive Wong Yunfat of Hong Kong was quite tired today. He found out that the recession is getting worse, his conglomerate is a basket case worse than those of a Third World country, and his ex-wife Katejina Loos, his third, had an affair with some guy named Alto Saotome. It didn't matter if that Alto guy looked like a crossdresser, Wong thought. What Alto did was to ensnare Katejina, who is a BDSM practitioner. And Wong forgot to think about that pre-nuptial.

An aide, a Caucasian with a British accent, opened the door. He was trailed by a woman who looked like Chunli and a Chinese butler.

"Mr. Wong, they are your visitors," the aide said. "They are Ms. Wang Liumei, a Chinese porn star cum socialite extraordinaire from Shanghai, and her aide, Hong Long."

"Oh, so you are the Wang Liumei?" Wong said somewhat sarcastically in his native tongue, Cantonese.

"Come on, Mr. Wong, why we just go into business?" Wang said somewhat with melancholy. She took the seat to the right near Wong's desk. Hong Long remained seated.

"Well, I know your reputation as an actress," Wong said. "Wow, you even entered the Japanese porn industry! You are the next Maria Ozawa or Sola Aoi or Ai Iijima, as I heard with my Japanese colleague Urube Ishikawa of the Japan Self-Defense Force told me."

"Come on, Wong, they use electric eels! Yuck!" Wang said with disgust.

"This is the porn industry after all. All women who work there are fair game," Wong said. "Well, our business is to ensure that your men from Celestial Being are circumcised. On your group, only the Kurdish guy got the ritual right, due to his religious training. Well, what's the situation?"

Hong Long said, "well, those Meisters are in Glie State. One of the guys had a girlfriend there, as my friend in the PLA named Li Xingke said through a plant in Glie."

"You are not allowed to speak until you do!" Liumei fumed.

"I only get some cheap shoes for this?!" Hong Long retorted.

"Stop," Yun-fat intervened. "We need some help. It looks like they the Meisters needed psychologists' help."

"Are you afraid of circumcision?" Liu-mei asked.

"I am, and the operation," Yun-Fat recounted, "is the one moment in my life I wish to forget. I went to the Philippines as part of my father's business trip. I will never forgive my father for this! He brought me to some rice field, and some guy with a machete forced some guava leaves to my mouth. I would never forgive him for this ever!"

"Guava leaves," Hong Long mused. "It cures wounds quite easily, my Filipino friend Sven Cal Bayan said to me."

"Not until I became a walking tomato plant!" Wong burst in anger. "Now veering for that, what's your purpose?"

"None, but money. Mr. Ho needed some cameras and men. For the greatest act, ever."

"As you wish," Wong said as he poured some Johnny Walker to his glass.

* * *

In Glie...

"Rakka, Kana, can you just leave these people alone?" Reki said to the two blowhards as she took away their weapons.

"But that guy..." Kana, the Chinese cross-dresser girl complained. "That man with the glasses. Did he look like a serial whatever?"

"Enough, Kana," Rakka, the brown-haired girl, replied to Kana. "These guys..._THEY'RE CUTE!_"

"But that purple-haired guy..." Kana said, resigned as whether this guy is just the latest serial rapists that have come to town.

"Come on, Kana, trust these Meisters. They have kept terrorists at bay for at least _six_ months," Reki said encouragingly.

"Terrorists? Oh yes," Kana warmed up. "Come in, the Asian guy," referring to Saji.

"I like to have some lunch," Saji said. "My stomach," his stomach emitted a sound like boiling water for a second, "tells me to eat."

"You will be pleased," Reki said.

Meanwhile, at Old Home, the Meisters are served lunch.

"Mmm, Bouillabaise ala Magikarp!" Lockon said with glee as he munched his share of that poor Poke-fish.

"That's how I Ms. Nemu cook," Nemu said. "With all your heart."

The rest, however, felt cheated.

"Why I only got some damned couscous?" Tieria asked.

"And some damned chicken wing soup!?" Al complained. "I hate chicken wings!"

"Wasabi in...chocolate-covered cricket?!" Tieria complained. "Who cooks this crap?"

"I am," Reki replied.

"This is France, not French Guiana, not some random African country," Tieria said. "Do French cooks cook like this?"

Lichtendahl intervened. "Tieria, this is Glie, not France."

"I'm sorry."

Meanwhile, Kana is fighting Al over his chicken wing soup.

"Come on, what is this? I hate chicken wings! And with ginger and...spinach?!? I've eating these all of these years! I had enough!" Allelujah complained as he was choked in the neck by Kana.

"Haha. Do you think that you Filipino guys can get away with it?" Kana laughed maniacally.

"Hey, you Chinese guys never stop? You are multiplying like bees!"

"Enough of the rhetoric," Lockon intervened. "Look at the Magikarp, tastes good. Come on."

"This looks like some tilapia to me, but I'll try!" Al asked somewhat reluctantly.

And when Al did, he was exalted in joy.

_It looks like he is floating to Heaven...angels that wear T-backs, like those dancers in Las Vegas casinos...bowing to him...and when one of them asked something, Allelujah gave her a five-hundred Philippine peso bill...and he saw God with all his majesty...no, actually the Great Buddha with all of his permed curls...and Allelujah asked him:_

_"Is this Nirvana?"_

_The Buddha replied with a Shinichiro Miki voice._

_"Allelujah...Allelujah..."_

Al was hit in the head by a silver platter by Tieria.

"Allelujah, this is not Yakitate! Japan," Lockon said to Allelujah.

"It's just the carp," Al explained somewhat apologetically.

"This is what you expect from Nemu-san," Lockon said, patting Nemu's hips. "right, Nemu?"

"Come on, Lockon-san," and she embraced Lockon like some middle-aged married couple.

On one side of the table, Lasse and Lichtendahl were observing Lockon.

"Lockon will betray us," Lasse said with a muted voice to Lichty.

"Come on, Herr Lasse," said Lichty. "Why worry?"

"It's Lockon's girlfriend. She used to be in the German Intelligence Service before she drank too much sleeping pills."

"How the hell did you know?"

"From VEDA, of course."

What the fellows are unaware is that a small Bug is observing them on one of the windows.

It transmitted all the info they could get to a central computer in...

* * *

The Black Knights base in Tokyo.

"What the hell is that Irish dude having some angel in his side?" Tamaki complained, his hand pointed to the computer screen.

"That's not an angel," Zero said. "That's a Haibane."

"Hmm...commies," Kyoshiro muttered.

"Then what's the fuss about the Miracle of Itsukushima and three Holy Swords, ganging up on a fourth?" Tamaki said.

"You mean scandal, Tamaki? Why worry about scandals? As long as I don't remove this mask, I'm safe," Zero commented.

"Well, it's about your only woman in your _not-so_-Holy Swords, Kyoshiro-san," Tamaki said sarcastically.

"TAMAKI!" Kyoshiro, wielding his katana, chased Tamaki out of the room. "Then what then if Nagisa is like that?!? She's _my_ future wife!"

"Come on, you admit it, right. And she likes to go with Asahina, Senba, and that old guy?"

_"TAAAMAAAAKIIIIIII!!!!!"_

Meanwhile, back in Hong Kong...

Wang Liu-Mei is drunk along with Hong Long, who was a light drinker, thankfully...

"My butler, what's the fuss with Docter Hoe wanting more money??" Liumei said in a slurry voice, having downed too much Carlo Rossi.

"Ma'am, according to my SMS message, Dr. Ho wants to buy more cameras, and needed some Sony memory cards "

"What?" Wang jumped up from her sofa, slurred and confused. "I've already gave him money!"

"But Dr. Katagiri "

"Don't say his real name!"

Meanwhile, in some secret location...

Ribbons Almark is quite tired. He had too much with that Hilling girl. Three days, all with that blue lozenge of power. Hilling won't stop toying him. And where she had learned the "Kama Sutra 2.0" style? Maybe he should have made a Web-filtering program. People these days.

Ribbons' phone rang.

"Almark speaking."

"This is Amoyo."

"Oh, the Philippine President." Ribbons then munched a Snickers bar.

"Give me the green light."

"The operation?"

"Yes."

"Are _you_ circumcised?"

"Ah, well..." Ribbons is confused.

_"You are not,"_ Amoyo said.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY, AMOYO? ARE YOU MAURY OR SOMETHING?"

* * *

Back in Old Home...

Lockon is sleeping with Nemu. It's five years since they have last met. Five years. And this is the time he needs Nemu the most. He needed kids. He needed nephews and nieces they would sure irritate Lyle. Neil needed Nemu. Whatever those damned cliches in TV and internet fanfiction say.

"Lockon, this ritual...this isn't a big deal."

"Maybe..." Lockon snuffed his twenty-first Winston.

"Lockon..."

"Yes..."

"Please."

Lockon closed his eyes saw Mummy and Puppy and Amy tending the garden. Amy ran to him.

_"Neil, what's the fuss about having your..."_

_What the hell? Even Amy knew about this?_

_"Neil, Amy is right. Just do it. I am." That came from Dad._

_"If you don't," Father continued, "you and Lyle will be done, and I am a licensed doctor."_

_"OK!OK!"_

Lockon woke up again, and looked at Nemu's body. She looked like a real angel with her little wings on her back. And the halo. He got what he wanted.

"Well, Nemu, I will take the challenge...just for you. Just for you."

"Nemu-san!" Kana burst in from the door, wearing only blankets.

"What's the fuss?" Nemu asked.

"Saji-san! Some flying saucer took him away!"

"So you have some fun with Saji after all!" Lockon commented.

"Look," Nemu pointed through the window. Five Bugs are seen trailing through the night atmosphere.

And Saji, Tieria, Al, Lichty, and Lasse are struggling with the Bugs' ropes.

"What the hell?"

* * *

Meanwhile...

"BRING ME BACK TO KANA-SAN!" Al shouted through the air, struggling to keep his grip on the rope steady.

"It's no use," Saji said. "But where is Lockon?"

"I knew it _was_ Lockon!" Tieria commented, his feet tied up so that his head face backward from the Bug's frontal movement.

"C'mon! God have mercy!" Al prayed to God.

"You will have _NO_ mercy..."the Bug replied maniacally. But it was no longer the robotic voice the Bug is, but a voice that sounds too much like Takahiro Mizushima.

"Where is Lulu-san?" that same Bug said through its voicebox.

"It's me, Rolo-san." That Bug is manned, after all.

"I've got five fish, but I can't find the sixth one."

"What? He's vulnerable, you even peeked in his room!"

"But I want to sell their video to those pirate gangs in Muntinlupa, Philippines!"

"Ignore those hawkers. Now get the rest back!" Zero ordered.

* * *

Meanwhile in Ribbons' lair...

Ribbons is watching the entire scenario with his Samsung HD TV when Hilling entered his room.

"You pervert! I am now officially a mother because of _you_!" Hilling Care stormed to Ribbons sofa, demanding answers.

"Now what? At least there will be people who would replace us when we die," Ribbons commented.

"At the price of my virginity?!" Hilling grabbed Ribbons by the neck. "Ribbons, I thought I loved you. But then you traded me for that Anew girl?"

"Hey, she's just a plant to Celestial Being. Promise, I've never touched her." Ribbons said apologetically.

"Then I will reveal to the rest that you, Ribbons Almark, is the only 'unripe' Innovator!"

"Don't say that!"

But then, Gloriaster Amoyo entered the room, with Regene Regetta on her right side.

"Ribbons Almark, where are those Meisters?"

"Here," Ribbons pointed through the TV.

"I've heard they are six. I only count five."

"I'll just get rid of the sixth," Ribbons declared.

"You cannot. And I have evidence you are not circumcised either." Then Amoyo said, "Regene, take him away."

Hilling helped Regene drag out Ribbons from his sofa.

_"I AM INNOCENT!"_ Ribbons screamed, five times, before the door shut. Then Amoyo walked to the sofa, confident of her new powers.

"Now, I will rule the world! No male will escape my scalpel, and everyone will be real men! HAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

Meanwhile...

Lockon is outside the Old Home now with Nemu and the rest of the Old Homers.

"What to do now?" Nemu asked.

"There's a plan." Lockon pulled a PSP-like belt and strapped it to his waist. Then he unlocked the belt, and Lockon pulled a pink card with the words "KAMEN RIDE" and "Gundam Dynames" in it.

"Are you serious?" Nemu asked.

"It's the only way." Then he waved his card in a pose. "HENSHIN!"

Nothing happened.

He forgot that he had to insert the card to the belt. Then he did so, and shouted again, "HENSHIN!" Then the belt spewed out an announcement complete with Holographic display.

"KAMEN RIDE..." the belt announced.

Then a Celestial Being logo appeared, together with...

"DYNAMES!"

Then some silhouettes appeared and some faces of Gundams hovered above Lockon's head. Lockon himself suddenly floated in the air, while the silhouettes danced and danced until it finally converged into Lockon, then unleashing...

Dynames. Gundam Dynames.

"Dynames, LET'S GO!" Lockon shouted as his mech brandished a card.

"ATTACK RIDE...BLAST!"

He then pulled a GN pistol and shot four Bugs.

* * *

Meanwhile, Nemu, Kana, and Rakka are watching them.

"Is that the Dynames thingy your boyfriend is piloting?" Rakka asked.

"Yes, Dynames, the mecha Lockon-san is piloting," Nemu replied.

"Let's get cover," Kana said with tacit. "We don't know what hubris Lockon will show."

Lockon is now with his gigantic GN Arctic Warfare rifle. He inserted a giant card with the words 'Final Attack Ride' to a slot in the rifle, and then the announcement...

"FINAL ATTACK RIDE..."

"DYNAMES!" A hologram of the word 'Dynames Shot' appeared, then a humongous shot that would make the Twin Buster Shot an ordinary and cheap laser shot through the Rolo-piloted Bug. Without any consolation to either Rolo or Al.

But Lockon is quite benovelent to them both, as both Rolo and Al came down crashing to a garbage pile.

Then the Glie police and ambulance came after the crash site, which to Kana's dismay, was the clock tower she works as the mechanic.

Tieria went face-down over a toilet bowl.

Lasse and Lichty went head down over a ruined cabinet full of gravure magazines, many of them of Ranka Lee and Meer Campbell.

Al landed on the ruined clockworks.

Saji-kun and Rolo landed on a ruined bed together with Rolo. And Saji and Rolo were in an embracing position and were kissing each other.

People, medical personnel, and journalists ran to both people. And the journalists flashed their lights. And when both opened their eyes and have seen their situation...

"I'M GAAAAYYYY!!!! IT CAN'T BEEEE!!!!!" Rolo ran away from the media, and used a journalist as a mode of transportation.

"What's up?" a journalist from GMA 7 Philippines named Ikeda asked Allelujah.

Al's face went red with anger. _"Tarantado ka, paano ka nakapasok dito?"_ Al said in Filipino. "You jackass, how did you get there?"

"I've used the Nambara Connection," Ikeda replied.

"It's top secret, you bloody bastard," Lockon cut him off. "Now, arrest this journalist," Lockon ordered the police chief.

The police chief shook his head.

"You are the one to be arrested. In any case, you and your fellows are to be deported, well, also will undergo the manly ritual," the police chief quipped.

"What the hell is this?"

Back at the Black Knights base...

"Why Tissue Rolo is running away?" Zero demanded of Sugiyama.

"His orientation is finally exposed. Look at the CNN and BBC screens!" Sugiyama opened a button and the news channels flashed in one screen. All show the same story. _Rolo had been caught with another man, _Zero thought. _So that's why he's chasing me all along! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!_

C.C. then entered the room, with another doctor. He is tall, and had glasses, and wears his light brown hair in a high ponytail.

"Zero, here's a replacement doctor. Your usual doctor is sick today," C.C. told Zero.

"Who is he?"

"Dr. William Katagiri, specializing in circumcision," the man replied in a voice that sounds like Yuji Ueda.

"WHAT?!?! I DON'T WANT TO BE CIRCUMCISED!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Tamaki is clinging to a pipe at the ceilings in one of the bases' undergrounds, with Kyoshiro still brandishing his sword.

"I didn't mean it." Tamaki explained with rather guilty voice. "I needed a girlfriend myself. But then, Nagisa is your "

"STOP HAVING FUN WITH NAGISA!"

* * *

At Ribbons [former] lair...

Amoyo is in the tub when her phone rang at her bathroom.

"Amoyo speaking."

"This is Raito Fanron. I've sent the copies to the Net already. They will come out in Youtube in the next four hours."

"Good. Now I will destroy Celestial Being!"

"Very good!" Fanron hung up.

Now, Gundams, Amoyo thought, this is the time I will destroy you! Amoyo thought. With my Flag!

To be continued...

* * *

**Notes:**

Katejina Loos is a character from Victory Gundam. She's an annoying double-crosser.

Alto Saotome is the lead guy in Macross Frontier. Ranka Lee was his lover [or so we thought.]

Ulube Ishikawa is one of the villains in G-Gundam.

Nambara Connection are the organization of the good guys in Combattler V.

Ikeda is the JNN friend of Kinue Crossroad in Gundam 00. JNN is real TV channel in Japan and is owned by MBS, the broadcaster of Gundam 00.

Yuji Ueda is Billy Katagiri's voice actor in Gundam 00.

Magikarp is a Pokemon that is quite useless.

The odd set-up and sequence of Dynames' 'fight' is due to the influence of the live-action super hero series Masked Rider Decade. Henshin means transform in Japanese, and you always see that phrase when heroes in Japanese superhero series transform into their respective title characters.

The 'blue lozenge of power' is a specific drug made by Pfizer. You had to search Google to get the idea.

GMA 7 is a TV station in the Philippines. Gundams Wing, G, and X as well as SD Gundam Force were shown there. Anyone who is a loyal fan of shows shown in GMA is termed a Kapuso or Heartie in English. It is currently unknown whether Gundam 00 will be shown in that network, as they have lost the rights to air SEED to their rivals ABS-CBN 2.

You must guess who is "Raito Fanron."

Off to the next and final chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

_Happy Rite of Passage Meisters_

_Disclaimer: Gundam is copyrighted by Sunrise. Everyone else is owned by their rightful copyright owners. I don't earn money for this._

_Disclaimer: This story is potentially politically incorrect and somewhat offensive. So if you don't like the subject matter, don't read any further. Due to some even more insane stunts, the rating is upgraded to M as in Mature._

_Story: Most of the male cast of Gundam 00 besides Setsuna missed one rite to prove their manhood._

_

* * *

_

**Chapter 3: the Final**

Some location that will later be revealed

Allelujah woke up from his bed, only to find himself in a white room. Yeah, white room. Plain white room.

What was more disturbing, is that, he is naked, and when he peeked at his lap, he was screaming in horror.

"I **AM** CIRCUMCIIIIIIIIIIIISED!"

Yep. His whatever-it-was was swathed in bandages.

I failed, he thought of himself.

Then Hallelujah appeared, also wearing the same outfit as Al complete with the bandages, just humming and smoking some Winston Lights.

"You know," —Al then blew out smoke— "It's not a big deal. Besides, you see porn?"

"Yep," Al agreed.

"Did you noticed the men there are almost always circumcised?"

"Yes."

"Well, because it is easier. Come on. Everything comes fine after this."

Hallelujah was interrupted by a scream from the neighboring room.

"It was Saji Crossroad, right?" Hal commented.

"Yep, that one," Al replied. "Hey, how did you know him?"

"I'm always with you, all right?" Hal protested. "I'm not Lady Une or something with 'two people, one body' personality or something."

"Ah, yes. The hag in our pack."

"DON'T PIT ME WITH THAT GREENIE-HAIR!" Saji again shrieked.

"See, he's a homophobe," Hal commented.

"Not so. He's a homosexual himself," Al noted dryly.

"Yep," Hallelujah agreed. "Along with that 'greenie-hair.'"

"RIBBONS! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! YOUR BANDAGE LOOKS LIKE THE SEVERED HEAD OF A MUMMY!"

"What, Saji? Come on...innovate yourself. I _AM_ the future. Are you?"

"Is that quote from Kane from the game Tiberian Dawn?" Hal asked.

"I don't have an idea."

"Saji, this is a rite we all endured. The anesthetic is organic and not been processed with GM food."

"Is this Ribbons guy even a member of PETA?" Al asked.

"Pedophiles for Eternal Transexuality of Adolescents? Maybe."

"RIBBONS-CHAN! GET OUT OF ME!"

* * *

In the other room...

Ribbons was shocked by the entrance of a nurse in the room.

But she wasn't a nurse at all. She is...

"HILLING CARE?!? IN A NURSE ATTIRE? BDSM STYLE?"

"So what? At least I'm not voiced by Misato Fukuen."

"Or by Miyuki Kawasho," Saji interjected, somewhat making Ribbons dumbfounded. He should act like a jerkass, Ribbons thought. It's too out-of-character for this Shinji Ikari wannabee.

"I _am_ voiced by Miyuki Kawasho. So what?" Hilling then produced from her...ehem...a key.

"I am actually helping you, Ribbons-chan. I'm still in your league. But give me the password. Sing that song."

_"Circumciser is a people in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood, in your neighborhood..."_

"JACKASS!" Hilling hit Ribbons with her shoe. Now say it that again..."

_"Ipagpatawad mo...ang aking kapangahasan..."_

"Stop singing old and corny Filipino OPM songs!"

_"Time can never mend...the careless—"_

"Ok. you go. Now yours, Saji-kun."

_"Igiling-giling. Igiling giling..."_

"Yup. That passes." Hilling then unlocked Saji's metal bonds.

"Be quiet. I'll give you a wheelchair. I'll tell the Philippine Army guards you are suffering from the AH1N1 you needed to go to a hospital."

"OK..OK." Hilling then left the room.

"Do you think she can be trusted?" Saji queried Ribbons.

"In times of trouble she could," Ribbons commented, "but I believe she's too much of a...well for the sake of political correctness, a woman more active in sex life."

Hilling returned with two wheelchairs.

"Here's your wheelchair, Ribbons-kun," Hilling said, and carrying a medical mask. "And to fool the guards."

"What about me?" Saji asked.

"First," Hilling then delivered a powerful karate chop on Saji.

"I can feign it, you bitch," Saji complained. "Why I had to suffer for real?"

"It's more believable."

* * *

Back in Al's room...

"Can we escape?" Al asked.

"I don't think so," Hal commented. "This room is guarded 24/7. Even if we managed to get out of this room, how about the guards?"

"That guy has swine flu!" Sounds of guards panicking echoed the room.

"Oh my goodness, even this place has swine flu?" Al was surprised.

"Swine flu is swine flu." Hal had another nicorette in his mouth.

"Well, even rich people die from disease." Al commented.

Another sound from the corridor.

"Hey. Where is the 'Bayabas' vaccine?"

"We don't have such vaccine yet!"

"We are fouled up, dude."

"Wow, that's serious..." Al commented.

"IT'S THAT IRISH GUY! GET HIM!"

"It's Lockon!" Al brightened up.

"DON'T ESTIMATE ME, YOU BOYOS!"

"I HAD A POISON DART IN _MY_ DING DONGS!"

"LET'S INFORM MRS. AMOYO!"

"Good. Let's use the distraction," Hal said. And he faded to the dark.

Al then saw Lockon kicking the door.

Al laughed when he saw Lockon's outfit...

It was his usual outfit, but with a Scottish kilt with it.

And a Scottish accent in his speech to boot.

"Elementary, my dear Haptism?"

"You sound like Sean Connery," Al commented.

"Really?"

"Well, you ain't James Bond," Al declared.

Lockon protested. "Remember I'm your superior—"

A sound of gunfire erupted.

"Let's get the hell out here," Al quipped.

Now outside the room, Lockon with his Accuracy International Sniper Rifle, and Al with a FAMAS rifle taken from some knocked out guard, hurried their way through the corridor, firing their guns, doing some corny Matrix tricks.

However, it didn't work well for Lockon-san. When he did the Neo bullet-dodging technique, one bullet nearly ripped through his...well, groin.

"YIIKESSS!!!"

"I'm sorry," the guard offered.

"No sorry!" Al's bangs went to the right, unleashing Hal. He mercilessly minced the guard along with its buddies with his FAMAS.

"Well?" Hal went up to Lockon.

"Just help me rescue our buddies or you want to become Prospero Nograles, right?" Lockon was irritated.

"OK, OK!" then Hal subsided down to Al.

"At least it only scratched my briefs," Lockon said, being lucky that it only scraped the skin of his groin.

A loud scream that was undeniably Tieria's resonated throughout the corridor!"

_"IT HURTS! IT HURTS! __AGAY! DIUS KO!!!!"_

"It looks like Tieria adopted a Visayas accent," quoted Al.

"What's Visayas accent?"

"It's the central region of the Philippines. Young women there are hired as maids in the capital at Manila."

_"TABANGI KO!"_

"Lumalaki na ang ulo ng joklang nito," Al commented. He continued in English,"that crossdresser had his ego overblown."

"Is that Visayan?"

"It's Tagalog, actually."

When they opened the door leading to Ribbons' lair, they discovered an amazing...and disturbing sight.

Tieria is spread-eagled, almost naked, wearing what appears to be an Ifugao loincloth.

"Look at what that Amoyo hag did to me," Tieria exploded. "she looks more like the mother of Manny Pacquiao rather than Maui Taylor!"

"So what?" Amoyo's voice emerged. From another door, came Gloriaster Amoyo. She wears a Union uniform, of all things.

"I will not run again for President, period."

"Your buck tooth annoys me," said Lockon. "Why we had to suffer for this?"

"Because I can." Gloriaster's wig fell off, revealing a shiny head. Then her head's back suddenly opened like Zero's helmet, and when she took it off...all were horrified.

_**"GRAHAM AKER!"**_

"Yep, I _am_ Graham Aker. And I collect scalps from your whatever it is!" Graham brandished a knife, pushed a button from a remote Graham had hidden before, and part of the wall was rotated to reveal Lichtendahl and Lasse in a semi-crucified position, with iron restraints in their legs and hands...

...and half-naked.

"They are next," Graham told the Meisters.

"Please help us," Lichtendahl opened a prayer.

"The end is near!" Lasse added.

"Hail Marlene, full of Felt Grace, your Ruido is with you. Blessed among you among Meisters—" Lichtendahl's prayer was cut off by Graham's shot, thankfully aimed upward.

"I'm not a Popish like you!" Graham then stared at Lichtendahl and pointed his gun to Lichty's crotch.

"If I couldn't take scalp from it, I'll blow it instead!"

"_DON'T _DO IT, GRAHAM!" Tieria warned.

"No, at least I would be making eunuchs out of you!"

"Please, save me from the trigger!"

"No, you will be like Hayden Kho!"

"PLEASE, MEISTERS! ARE YOU ASSES OR SOMETHING?"

Before Graham could finally pull the trigger...

The LCD window shattered, shards flying like ice that has been smashed by a sledge hammer.

And it revealed a man, wearing a tight, dark blue combat suit used by special forces, and a Exia facemask.

"Gundam...I _AM_ A GUNDAM!" the man declared.

"SETSUNA!" The Meisters declared relief.

"I wouldn't allow it," Graham declared. "Mr. Gundam, I am impressed of your Solid Snake skills. But this is would be the last of you!"

"Well, I would blackmail you, anyway. You are uncircumcised yourself."

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW?"

"I found out with Mr. Katagiri, also known as _Dr. Gayden Ho_."

"You will pay for this!" Graham brandished a beam katana, and charged to Setsuna's direction.

_**"SAKIGAKE AHEAD SUSANOO SLASH!"**_

Before Graham could behead Setsuna, Setsuna then said, _**"TRANS-AM!"**_

His butt unleashed a stream of green GN particles, then Setsuna turned back, distracting Graham.

"YOUR FART STINKS!" Graham complained, as he cannot move properly, then crouched to a fetal position.

Then Setsuna pointed his blade to Graham's head.

"Now why?" Setsuna demanded of Graham.

"Because Billy Katagiri ordered me to do so."

"For what purpose?"

"For the lulz."

"Holy crap," Tieria commented. This when some policemen in battle gear kicked open the door.

"All of you! Hands up!"

All of them held their hands up. But their armpits smelled.

"Your armpits smelled worse than a latrine, or a moneylender. Thank goodness I had gas mask!" the leader among the cops said.

"Why we had to hold our hands up?" Tieria asked.

_"Nag-lastog ka! Kasla ka nga ti Miss Gay!"_ the leader exploded. "You are a bastard! You act like a contestant in a Miss Gay contest!"

"You are from Baguio City?" Allelujah asked.

"Of course, _manong_."

"Do you have gel?"

"What for?" Lockon asked.

"We needed a pictorial for the press," pointing at the hordes of cameramen and reporters now entering the room.

"You are a cop. Why it is so?'

"For the lulz, of course," the police chief replied.

"What brand do you demand? Gatsby?" Lockon asked.

"No. Brylcreem."

"You have a consumer sense," Lockon grunted.

"Of course. I am like Zac Efron." The head chief took off his helmet, and he looked like some middle-aged Filipino policeman, swarthy and ugly.

"What the hell do you think? You look like that actor named Panchito Alba or something."

"Come on, boy." the chief then had smoothen up his hair.

"I will be in the front page in the New York Times!" the chief exclaimed.

Another cop intervened. "Can I have your gel?"

"No, of course!"

* * *

Graham was caught and sentenced to be imprisoned for life in a cryo-chamber, along with Billy Katagiri. Their pose is like in a yuri hentai comic cover. No, actually, like in the Pacific Plaza scandal of May 20, 2009 AD. The chamber was labeled "Gayden Ho" and "Grahamina Akelili."

The real Amoyo had been found on the bed of ABZTE Corporation Chairman Jun Loyzaga. Those people in the Philippine legislature were finally relieved they could re-start Con-Ass. How ignorant they are in the next few days.

Lockon later married Nemu. The other Haibane there are quite sad. Nemu said that she wants to be allowed to go Old Home every six months. Lockon, ever the master of diplomacy and PR, agreed.

Our Meisters had received Scottish kilts and had a nice vacation in Tokyo. At least they wouldn't be ridiculed that much, though in Tieria's case, it was carried to the extreme, because he wears a Catholic schoolgirl uniform.

Until one day...

"Look at the TVs" Hal cried.

All of the TVs have turned blank and suddenly, the word "RAITO FANRON" in German gothic script appeared.

"Who the fuck is that Raito Fanron?" asked Tieria.

"I had no idea," Al said nonchalantly.

Then a voice that resembled Light Yagami then resonated.

"I am Raito Fanron. You know all of the fuss about the Philippine President. Well, she_ is_ a victim of that fuss. And there are more victims. And to top it off, here is a song 'Careless Whisper' by George Michael to top it off. Enjoy the viewing."

The screen turned black.

Then the intro of 'Careless Whisper' hummed...and...

**"LOCKON STRATOS WITH AN ANGEL!" **Raito proclaimed.

Lockon was terrified.

"HOW DID MY VIDEO WITH NEMU CAME OUT?!??!!"

* * *

Meanwhile Alejandro corner is finally recovered at that airplane crash. And Ribbons had told he too, suffered great pains escaping that woman Amoyo.

"Well, at least that AH1N1 didn't hurt me. That _bayabas_ vaccine helped," Alejandro thanked Ribbons.

"I thought she would be useful in our plans. Turns out, this is a Union CIA conspiracy," Ribbons explained. "They used a Union pilot, Graham Aker, to fool us. We shouldn't depend on our plants in the three powers anymore."

"So we are nearly doomed! Thank goodness. Now Ribbons, open the TV."

What they have seen are the most terrible things in life.

**"HILLING CARE AND RIBBONS ALMARK!"**

**"ALEJANDRO...WITH SUPERSTAR WANG LIUMEI!"**

"WE ARE DOOMED!"

* * *

Meanwhile, janitors are wondering why there is a broken window, a sign that a man jumped from the window. and the leader of Hong Kong was shot in the head. Then they now knew thanks to the TV. They also found the body of Wang Liumei, eagle-spread and facing the ground.

* * *

Meanwhile in Glie...

_"WHO HAD CAUGHT MY VID WITH LOCKON-SAMA!?!!?!"_ Nemu screamed.

_"I HAD A VIDEO WITH THAT PURPLE-HAIRED GUY??!?!? AT LEAST I'M BI, NOT A LESBIAN AS PEOPLE THOUGHT!"_ screamed Kana.

_"I HAD A VIDEO WITH THAT CROSSROAD?" _

* * *

Speaking of Crossroad...

"Saji, explain how this Rakka girl had met you," Kinue had demanded with his brother.

"Well, I had a phobia of surgery..."

"Now you _will_ no longer have a phobia." Kinue brandished a butcher knife. Then she called, "Louise-san, here is the new Saji!"

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"_

* * *

Meanwhile, the people of the Philippines had witnessed a mass spectacle. Why all the Congressmen had committed a Jonestown-style mass suicide. People had inquired and inquired, until the pirated DVD hawkers had solved the mystery. Raito Fanron revealed their scandals, too!

* * *

Meanwhile, Barnarge Links had his coffee with Audrey Burne when Tiffa burst in.

"WHY!?!?! YOU PROMISED ME TO KEEP THIS SECRET!" Tiffa cried.

"Aha!" Audrey snapped.

Barnarge cried, "HEEELP!!!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in Azadistan...

Marina's plane just took off...barely. Azadistan had blown itself after the "MARINA ISMAIL SCANDAL" was broadcasted all over the country.

* * *

In the Ptolemaios...

The Meisters stormed the Ptolemy's bridge, angry.

In the bridge was Setsuna, wearing a Turkish Pasha dress. The girls were dressed like belly dancers, including Sumeragi, and...

_...pregnant._

"I KNOW YOU STARTED IT!" Tieria demanded. "We had to search Anime News Network! You cannot fool us!"

Setsuna then eased himself, and snuffed again his hookah. "So, what?"

"Why the hell did you do this, anyway?" Al demanded.

"For the lulz," Setsuna declared.

"For...the lulz?" Al was startled.

Then suddenly Lockon held up a joystick.

"What the hell is this?" Setsuna is alarmed.

"Let's finish it," Lockon declared. Then he pushed the button.

* * *

A meteor shower, bluish-green in color, had clothed the skies of the northern hemisphere. The Union said this is just a meteor shower. The Human Reform League said this would interfere with their radio communications. The AEU just shrugged it off, saying that the HRL, being commies, had little inkling for progress.

Then that sky beamed a face. Aeolia Schoenberg. That face then made a big laugh at the cosmos.

As for the Ptolemaios crew...

* * *

2308 AD...somewhere in America

"Here is the new presidential candidate for the Celestial Party for the United States..."

The applause of the fans in the stadium stopped the staff's efforts to drown them. When the speaker now positioned himself into the podium...

"SORAN IBRAHIM!"

The fans shouted, "SORAN! SORAN!"

Soran cut them off.

He then began his speech.

"Many score years ago, people thought that circumcision is a bad thing, a horror. People thought this is horror. But it is not. Circumcision for men, makes men. And that's why...I am running...for the President of the United States of America!"

"YES WE CAN!" said the crowd. "YES WE CAN! YES WE CAN!"

* * *

**THE END**

That's it. I hope people enjoyed it. More from me real soon.


End file.
